What Is Social-Emotional Learning (SEL)?

Why A Teen Who Talks Back May Have A Bright Future

2012-01-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

The following research was reported on National Public Radio.

If you're the parent of a teenager, you likely find yourself routinely embroiled in disputes with your child. Those disputes are the symbol of teen developmental separation from parents.
It's a vital part of growing up, but it can be extraordinarily wearing on parents.

Now researchers suggest that those spats can be tamed and, in the process, provide a lifelong benefit to children.

Researchers from the University of Virginia recently published their findings in the journal Child Development. Psychologist Joseph P. Allen headed the study.
Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it's the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference. "We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground," he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.

Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.

In Allen's study, 157 13-year-olds were videotaped describing their biggest disagreement with their parents. The most common arguments were over grades, chores, money and friends. The tape was then played for both parent and teen. "Parents reacted in a whole variety of ways. Some of them laughed uncomfortably; some rolled their eyes; and a number of them dove right in and said, 'OK, let's talk about this,'" he says.
It was the parents who said wanted to talk who were on the right track, says Allen. "We found that what a teen learned in handling these kinds of disagreements with their parents was exactly what they took into their peer world," with all its pressures to conform to risky behavior like drugs and alcohol.

Allen interviewed the teens again at ages 15 and 16. "The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers," he says. They were able to confidently disagree, saying 'no' when offered alcohol or drugs. In fact, they were 40 percent more likely to say 'no' than kids who didn't argue with their parents.

For other kids, it was an entirely different story. "They would back down right away," says Allen, saying they felt it pointless to argue with their parents. This kind of passivity was taken directly into peer groups, where these teens were more likely to acquiesce when offered drugs or alcohol. "These were the teens we worried about," he says.

Bottom line: Effective arguing acted as something of an inoculation against negative peer pressure. Kids who felt confident to express themselves to their parents also felt confident being honest with their friends.
So, ironically the best thing parents can do is help their teenager argue more effectively. For this, Allen offers one word: listen.

In the study, when parents listened to their kids, their kids listened back. They didn't necessarily always agree, he says. But if one or the other made a good point, they would acknowledge that point. "They weren't just trying to fight each other at every step and wear each other down. They were really trying to persuade the other person."

Acceptable argument might go something like this: 'How about if my curfew's a half hour later but I agree that I'll text you or I'll agree that I'll stay in certain places and you'll know where I'll be; or how about I prove to you I can handle it for three weeks before we make a final decision about it."

Again, parents won't necessarily agree. But "they'll get across the message that they take their kids point of view seriously and honestly consider what they have to say," Allen says.
Child psychologist Richard Weissbourd says the findings bolster earlier research that finds that "parents who really respect their kids' thinking and their kids' input are much more likely to have kids who end up being independent thinkers and who are able to resist peer groups."

Weissbourd points to one dramatic study that analyzed parental relationships of Dutch citizens who ended up protecting Jews during World War II. They were parents who encouraged independent thinking, even if it differed from their own.
So the next time your teenager huffs and puffs and starts to argue, you might just step back for a minute, take a breath yourself, and try to listen. It may be one of the best lessons you teach your child.

Five Tips to Help Parents Prevent Bullying

2011-12-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

Parents and guardians are among a school's best allies in bullying prevention:

1) Talk with and Listen to Your Children Everyday Ask: questions about their school day, including experiences on the way to and from school, lunch, and recess. Ask about their peers. Children who feel comfortable talking to their parents about these matters before they are involved in bullying are more likely to get them involved after.

2) Spend time at School and Recess: Schools can lack the resources to provide all students individualized attention during "free" time like recess. Volunteer to coordinate games and activities that encourage children to interact with peers aside from their best friends.

3) Be a Good Example: When you get angry at waiters, other drivers or others, model effective communication techniques. As Education.com puts it, "Any time you speak to another person in a mean or abusive way, you're teaching your child that bullying is ok."

4) Create Healthy Anti-Bullying Habits: Starting as young as possible, coach your children on both what not to do (push, tease, and be mean to others) as well as what to do (be kind, empathize, and take turns). Also coach your child on what to do if someone is mean to him or to another (get an adult, tell the bully to stop, walk away and ignore the bully).

5) Make Sure Your Child Understands Bullying: Explicitly explain what it is and that it's not normal or tolerable for them to bully, be bullied, or stand by and watch other kids be bullied.

(These tips were adapted from materials by the National PTA and Education.com.)

USING CIRCLES TO IMPROVE LEARNING

2011-04-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

The following is adapted from the work of Maurice Elias and L. Breune in "Social Decision Making/Problem Solving".

Whether one calls it a Sharing Circle, Morning Meeting, Sharing Time, Advisory Group, Circle Time or any of a number of related titles, the reality is that students welcome the chance to come together informally to address issues of social and emotional concern. Students benefit from a "buffer" between personally and interpersonally challenging parts of their day, and applying themselves to serious academic work. Especially challenging parts of their day include their prepariation for and trip to school, lunch and recess, and dismissal. For this reason, schools find it useful to have circle times and related gatherings to start the school day, after lunch/recess, and at the end of the day. Such activities recognize and help to implement three essential principles of social-emotional and character development (from "Lessons of Life", HOPE Foundation, http://www.hopefoundation.org/):

1) Caring Relationships form the Foundation of All Lasting Learning: Gatherings bring everyone together and make a statement that while agendas are important, relationships come first. They also set a climate in which learning is most likely to be internalized.

2) Emotions Affect How and What We Learn: Academic work can't proceed when students' emotions are churned up, when they are anxious, fearful, or angry. The group focus during start of the day gatherings is on providing an opportunity for some expression of concern, or at least using a ritual beginning to give students a chance to get their own emotions regulated a bit. By doing so, they are better prepared for the academic tasks ahead of them. After lunch or recess or at the end of the day, addressing students' emotions makes it more likely that students will recall and follow through on the day's learning.

3) Goal Setting and Problem Solving Provide Direction and Energy to Learning: Gatherings provide a chance to reaffirm common goals, set personal goals, problem solve issues of general concern, or transition into the social-emotional and character development activity about to be undertaken. Gatherings also reinforce goals by providing opportunites for testimonials about progress on projects, attempts to use new skills, reflections on what has been learned, or to get feedback on aspects of what has been taught during the day that have been particularly challenging.

Reasons to support Social Emotional Learning

2009-10-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

At first glance, it may be hard to see how something called “social emotional learning” could have much to do with school. After all, children come to school to learn to read, write, do math, and learn about science and history. What does being “social” have to do with that? And for sure, most of us don’t think that being “emotional” at school is a good thing.
The truth is that kids are both social and emotional all the time. Every interaction with a teacher or another kid involves something social. If a child is polite or rude in response to a teacher’s request, that is social. If a child feels proud, ashamed, or competent while talking with an adult or peer, that is emotional. The fact is, kids are doing social emotional learning all the time, whether we intend for them to or not.

The risk of not managing that part of the child’s learning experience is great. Since a student is going to have social/emotional experiences in all settings, it is important that we understand how these experiences take place, and how to make them positive for the child. If we don’t intentionally make them positive, then we are gambling on whether this very important part of the child’s development will be helpful or negative.

The purpose of this blog is to provide information on social emotional learning for parents, students, teachers, and staff. It will include data and research showing the link between SEL, character education, and improved academics. Please feel free to post questions, ideas for character education, or feedback on how the blog might be more useful. When SEL is embedded in academic instruction, the child learns both the needed academics and the necessary life skills to be successful.